If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
