420 ftw
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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