Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
