wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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