Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
