So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
