you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
