I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
