Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize