Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I cockslap morals
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
