im drinking this country out of the recession.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
