So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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