I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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