I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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