ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
