Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
