I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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