I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
