Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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