Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
