The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize