i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize