I think my fart just growled at me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
