I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
