I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I puked a lego.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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