i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
