i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
