God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
