Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
