omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
