True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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