First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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