Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
