you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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