quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
