sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
