I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
