True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
