Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She bit a glass in half.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
