I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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