who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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