He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
