pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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