my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
