if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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