i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
