we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
