Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
