We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize