Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
