so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
