So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
