He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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