Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
