What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
