i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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