I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
