Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
