The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
