Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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