i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize