You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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