I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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