I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
No I am not eating basil off your cock
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
