i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
