so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize