you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
