I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
