Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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