At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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