i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
