Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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