i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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