im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
