True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
