Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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