At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
