John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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