Already got asked if we're dating
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
